Meatleg

(aggressive artist omnifarious primate)

First and foremost, before I transformed myself into a great musician, I was (and still am) a fabulous artist, singer and writer.  I wanted an instrument that not only reflected my strength and attitude, but also granted me the liberty to simultaneously perform my edifying vocals and lyrics. By attaching the sharpened, steel frame to my chest on its protective harness I have freed my chin to bark and curse my opinions at will without  physical obstruction.

Secondly, I have grown rather sick of the way that orchestral instruments have been portrayed in modern music -- especially in rock and heavy metal.  It seems that every time a hard edged band wants to write a beautiful, soft and pithy ballad, they drag out the "fluff instruments"

and use them to decorate their songs like a lace doily on a plush sofa.  If any of these musically handicapped punks had ever known the strength found in Stravinsky, Bartok or Rimsky-Korsakov they would all bow down  to the power produced by orchestras everywhere and would attempt to use these instruments properly--that is to say,

Now as I make my ascension through the world of musical fame and fortune, I will be sacrificing many a guitar to the Russian gods of composition.  By driving the katana that is my violin through the shells of other instruments and small animals* everywhere, I will prove that the orchestral instruments can be just as powerful physically as they are musically.  And by wielding the Mallion family of instruments in magnificently aggressive compositions, I will prove that there is nothing sissy about the music they produce.